Friday, July 23, 2010

another week of unemployment in review

One thing summer HAS brought me is the British Beer Co. in Pembroke. Every Thursday after my weekly sign language class (the only form of scheduled events I have), Zan and I make our way to our new not-so-local favorite. Needless to say, the combination of my fiery locks and incredible split personality upon the entrance of alcohol into my bloodstream has led to a nice little reputation for myself. That reputation being the girl who yells at the two-man cover band featured every week, mainly because they continually refuse me happiness in the form of a Neil Young song. Seriously? What the fuck, bro. Not only, in my humble & consistently correct opinion, should you have the entirety of Neil Young's collection memorized and ready at any moment, but after two months of abuse why wouldn't you just save yourself the harassment and google that shit? I'm sending this case to Unsolved Mysteries.

The BBC has also introduced to one of the better things that have come to my attention this summer. Two things that make me unequivocally happy are vodka and absurd celebrity decisions, specifically if they are done in one hundred percent seriousness. And thus I present to you a golden discovery of genius and all too randomly hysterical Dan Aykroyd "Crystal Head" Vodka:





I have far too many question, comments, and conspiracy theories to even begin to crack this case. And I can be certain that my multitude of "whys" will forever go unanswered as Dan doesn't have my cell number nor did he answer any of my countless facebook chat attempts (dick). So I must settle and be satisfied with this great gift given to me from the gods of nectar/liquor. So thank you allahs above, and may I forever be grateful for your unmatched sense of humor. Amen.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

because no one will hire me,

I have started this blog. I have also graduated college, moved back in with my parents, and developed quite a taste for Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy after dinner with said parents, each of us with a glass of wine in hand. Thus, I have learned how to go from 22 to 62 in a matter of months. I have also learned to loathe unemployment, which turns out to not be all that of a difficult feat. Surprisingly, doing nothing all day with no form of commitment or responsibility is fucking awful. Who knew? Oh, how I would curse and shake my fist at my blank Word document during the days of endless research papers and looming exams, all while wistfully dreaming for a time when I could just lay around with nothing to do. Well now that I'm in my former dream of Eden, I'm beginning to realize how closely Eden ressembles a prison cell. Fuck a tempting talking snake. Sooner or later you find yourself looking for anything that'll cause a little excitement, evil and all. Where the hell is my damn apple?
 

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