someone who loves me spent $100,000 and all i got was a useless piece of paper

Four years of body building my brain and I can't even get hired as a dog walker. Isn't a diploma suppose to take the form of a golden ticket? False advertising like whoa. On the plus side, my parents are gone for a week and so I get to pretend that I'm not 22 and living at home. Also, it's nice to have no one to judge me for sitting on the couch all day while wallowing in self pity fueled by rejection and inadequacy, being told via silence that you don't even require the skills to walk an animal. Everyone loves a useless college grad! Time to find solace at the bottom of a wine bottle on a Monday afternoon 'cause no one is depending on my sobriety. Silver lining?